The most remarkable month in the year 2008... The month when I had known someone who has changed my insight about life... I thank God for letting me know him and I want to believe that he is a blessing... I am very delighted by his thoughts and deeds towards me and I am hoping that our relationship will stay intact as days will go by... I am looking forward to meet him soon as he has promised... And I am really hoping that when that day comes, everything will be just fine... I'm praying too, that I'll get lot of support from my family and I wish for the almighty to grant my wish and pray that he will give me my dream....
I wish in my dreams I could juxtapose events in this pitiful life of mine to compare eccentric diffusion of good to evil. But it is near obvious that this bitter gourd me reflects loath and grudge taking a crack at deception. My heart plummets deeply realizing I am living a false hope.
I am on a dosage loosing strength fighting hate and regrets. Perhaps an eternal leave would alleviate this grave of bitterness of oblivion I earned…
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
I wish in my dreams I could juxtapose events in this pitiful life of mine to compare eccentric diffusion of good to evil. But it is near obvious that this bitter gourd me reflects loath and grudge taking a crack at deception. My heart plummets deeply realizing I am living a false hope.
I am on a dosage loosing strength fighting hate and regrets. Perhaps an eternal leave would alleviate this grave of bitterness of oblivion I earned…
December 16, 2008 – 7:48
CyberStratt Café
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
Why does it hurt so bad...
How do I'll get over you co'z I'm dying, crying inside,How could I let you go, I know gotta get you out of my head...
Maybe leaving you is much better ,
But when I try and decide to forget you,
it makes me so real sad...
I said never again to feel this kind of pain.
But when I think its over and think its through.
Just can't control to find myself right back in love with you!!!
And wen I think I don't love why does it hurts me so bad ?
I thought I had let you go but why does it really hurt so bad!!!...
Jan 20, 2009 2:19 PM
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
I need to keep myself busy to forget everything but still it keeps on hunting so how cud evade?i hate this part..
Jan 21, 2009 2:34 PM
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
It's just ME, Maybe that's Why
Don't you wanna hear? i don't think that I have the strength to let you go...
Couldn't you believe that everything I said wasn't deceiving...
And this tear in my eye and your calm face,
makes me wish that I was never brought in this place...
Maybe it's just me... and I was crying wasting my time thinking of you...
Well I wish you'll come back and make the matters better...
But its just me, Maybe that's why your gone and stay away from me...
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
I tried so hard to love you in my way, I am empty since you left, no one should be blame. Though it's not easy to let go I'm trying so hard to find a way to carry on....
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
2 A.M.
It's two a.m. and you're on my mind once again
I must have been dreaming
I thought I felt your heartbeat just then
Then I wondered how it would be
If I was your lady and you were my man
I would put my heart in your hands
And it would never end
I hold your picture next to my heart all the time
Every day and night I want to hold you
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
I sit here like a fool
Remembering everything
The way we used to talk
The songs that we used to sing
I've got to try and leave
The past behind
But my memory's so good
I think that I'm losing my mind
It’s late at night and no one’s around,
It’s only my heart that’s making a sound.
I lay awake alone all night in this corner,
Can’t sleep wishing I could talk to you instead.
I think of you far too much,
You know I can’t deny the way I feel inside.
Can’t even disguise, your always on my mind.
And now I can’t get enough.
It’s in my blood and all through my veins,
I feel it once and it will never be the same.
Whenever I close my eyes your there,
Why do I still have to hang on to your love?
Maybe just can’t deny the way I feel inside.
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
WHY
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
You are still here...
I can be a nightmare of the grandest kind.
I can withhold like it's going out of style.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen.
And you've never met anyone who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part.
You see all my light and you love my dark.
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed.
There's not anything to which you can't relate.
And you're still here...
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking.
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating.
And you've never met anyone who's as everything as I am sometimes.
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
Is that you're still here...
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
I know I knew this chaos I was getting in.
But I have broken my promise,
How dumb I am to let it happen.
And why have you done it so easily?
You make it hard for me to smile now,
Also you make it hard for me to breath.
Phrasing a single tear is harder than I ever feel,
And I am left feeling so alone,
Because these days aren't easy,
Like they have been once before.
These days aren't easy anymore,
I should have known everything wasn't for real,
I should have fought this feeling felt so intensely.
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
Been Trying To Reach Out...
Trying to reach out to you for these past few days, saying hi's, saying hello's eating my pride not for something but just for the sake of knowing how you have been. But no response at all. Not even traces of your concerns. What can I do? All I wanted is your friendship but now its clear your not open for it. Well that's life sometimes we have to be hurt too much to learn something. Maybe it's time.
Don't you wanna hear? i don't think that I have the strength to let you go...
Couldn't you believe that everything I said wasn't deceiving...
And this tear in my eye and your calm face,
makes me wish that I was never brought in this place...
Maybe it's just me... and I was crying wasting my time thinking of you...
Well I wish you'll come back and make the matters better...
But its just me, Maybe that's why your gone and stay away from me...
Jan 23, 2009 5:24 PM
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
January 24 - 1:52 AM
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
2 A.M.
I must have been dreaming
I thought I felt your heartbeat just then
Then I wondered how it would be
If I was your lady and you were my man
I would put my heart in your hands
And it would never end
I hold your picture next to my heart all the time
Every day and night I want to hold you
Understand that I am going to love you
In my own special way
Jan 27, 2009 1:18 AM
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
Remembering everything
The way we used to talk
The songs that we used to sing
I've got to try and leave
The past behind
But my memory's so good
I think that I'm losing my mind
January 26,2009 - 9:30 P.M.
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
It’s late at night and no one’s around,
It’s only my heart that’s making a sound.
I lay awake alone all night in this corner,
Can’t sleep wishing I could talk to you instead.
I think of you far too much,
You know I can’t deny the way I feel inside.
Can’t even disguise, your always on my mind.
And now I can’t get enough.
It’s in my blood and all through my veins,
I feel it once and it will never be the same.
Whenever I close my eyes your there,
Why do I still have to hang on to your love?
Maybe just can’t deny the way I feel inside.
January 29, 2009 - 1A.M.
WHY
Why do it affect me still, hinder me still, unnerve me still, and trigger me still? Would you feel slighted if i say maybe because I love you still? Can I complain? I know I cannot because I'm the one who reaches for it. And maybe you find it a thing of mockery or maybe thing to underestimate. It could be proven by your silence but could I whine? I would be lying if I say i am completely unscathed. Don't question, co'z I cannot walk without crutches no wonder why i cannot win by all your non reactions. Your unavailable and look disinterested. Now nowhere to turn to to find some comfort. I swear I had tried a million times and in a million ways to convince myself to change. Your withholding is a cue to crave for. Several days in several ways I had tried to squeezed out my love of you by feasting on scraps you've thrown on me in several hours and several times. I had bent for you and deprived myself, depressed and contorted, stifled and silenced but I'm done.
It would take long before I reclaim myself, to be in my path again. Though it won't be easy for me to disengage as I cringe living without you in my thougths and alter everything for my own good but I am deprived. I have waited, adjusted, deffered. I have sacrificed, but I am now at the edge of self deprivation state with such an excruciating pain, and it's too much and I am done, as I am suffering the consequence of this inquisition. You may all have the reasons making up your mind and i may have all the delusions...
just want you to know everything is forgiven...but why?
Jan 30, 2009 1:55 AM
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
You are still here...
I can withhold like it's going out of style.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen.
And you've never met anyone who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part.
You see all my light and you love my dark.
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed.
There's not anything to which you can't relate.
And you're still here...
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking.
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating.
And you've never met anyone who's as everything as I am sometimes.
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
Is that you're still here...
Feb 3, 2009 4:31 PM
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
I know I knew this chaos I was getting in.
But I have broken my promise,
How dumb I am to let it happen.
And why have you done it so easily?
You make it hard for me to smile now,
Also you make it hard for me to breath.
Phrasing a single tear is harder than I ever feel,
And I am left feeling so alone,
Because these days aren't easy,
Like they have been once before.
These days aren't easy anymore,
I should have known everything wasn't for real,
I should have fought this feeling felt so intensely.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009 at 4:57pm
===XXX(O0O)XXX===
Been Trying To Reach Out...
Trying to reach out to you for these past few days, saying hi's, saying hello's eating my pride not for something but just for the sake of knowing how you have been. But no response at all. Not even traces of your concerns. What can I do? All I wanted is your friendship but now its clear your not open for it. Well that's life sometimes we have to be hurt too much to learn something. Maybe it's time. Time to let go, time to forget, time to erase, time to move on.Time to leave this past behind and carry on to another chapter of this life.
Thanks anyway for the memories but you know what? I will be glad if you will come and have a knock on my door one day... that's for sure...
Feb 26, 2009 12:42 PM
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